Emerging into Spring

Last spring I had a huge emergence out of the vulnerability closet. I got engaged. Then I wrote about the complexities of engagement for me and the post got shared far and wide. It was scary to be exposed in that way.

The end of the summer I had a hard time maintaining the moment of Spring and as I began to get myself back into the grooves with back to school vibes of fall, my dad died.

Fall and winter were dark for me. (They are for everyone even without a recent loss.) The natural patterns of these seasons are looking inward and into places we have not looked at all year.

During Fall, the season was swallowed in the grief and logistics of a loved ones death. The Winter was welcomed as a time to hibernate, rest, take deep self-care and recover. To top it off I was dealing with the intense grief of losing my father paired with the ever present adrenal fatigue. 

But life goes on, and the darkness descends back into itself and life emerges again into Spring.

emerge definition: /əˈmərj/ verb 

  1. to become manifest : become known
  2. become apparent or prominent.
  3. recover from or survive a difficult situation.

For me, the third definition resonates so deeply: 3. recover from or survive a difficult situation.

Now that Spring is here, I am ready to grow and move forward. I have to admit, it is fucking scary to recover and survive the death of my father. I can tell that this Spring I am experiencing immense growth. Simultaneously I am honoring that the whole world is new and raw without the presence of my dad's protection.

I look forward to this season of growth. I am curious to explore the recovery period of this season. And always, always looking forward to what emerges this year.